Welp here we are. 

Today I turned 31 and I cried 3 times today lmfao 😂

During my last session with my therapist I told her I cry nearly daily now and she was proud of me. I’m not proud lol Fuck this bullshit lmfaooo

So how was my day? Well, it started off waking up to the lovely aroma of dog diarrhea that had been there a little too long. The girls have a love for street trash and if I don’t catch it fast enough, (God- the Universe – who the fuck) knows what terrorizes us all for days. So that was my morning. I then went to the gym because – goals bitches – and on my way home, I lost my favorite water bottle, with all my favorite stickers. Fell right off my motorcycle lol. Then I got triggered and spiral cleaned my apartment. Then I went to work. 

The highlights? I did it. I am living on my own, providing for myself, giving myself the very life I needed the whole time. Stability. Routine. Security. Safety. 

I lived in about 13 different living situations before I graduated high school. Foster care, a mental institution, and different family situations. I have craved ‘normal’ my entire life.

Side tangent: Which is hilarious because what even is normal. I have not met a single person yet who had the white picket fence bullshit we all think is normal. Someones parent was abusive, a cheater, a narcissist, you name it. Babes we were all raised in broken places by broken people just trying to survive the only way they knew how at the time. 

So I decided I’m going to give myself stability. I am going to be the person I always wanted to be, no matter how much work it takes. 

My family is healing. My heart is healing. My body is healing. My mind and soul are healing. I have people in my life who know some of the worst things I have been through and look at me and say, “I’m proud of you.” That – that is the very best birthday gift I could have ever gotten. 

Because it’s hard. Every day, every goal, every time I make it to the gym – I win. He didn’t win. That is healing. 

My therapist told me, this will always be a part of your story. And right now, it is a big part, but with time it will get smaller. 

This, this is the best birthday gift I could have ever given myself. Bills paid on time. Goals maintained. Healing. 

So I make another awkwardly vulnerable post for the internet (the all of 5 people who will read this – thanks btw, y’all are the real MVP’s! ❤ ) for maybe the one who is being hard on yourself. Healing takes time. It’s not pretty. It fucking sucks. And hey, if I get there, maybe it’s as good as the white picket fence and maybe you’re there too -because some of this chaos brain was helpful to someone – wouldn’t that be beautiful 🙂 ❤ 

So take a deep breath, you’re alive, dig for the gold baby, I promise you it’s there.